After breakfast, we were sent off to have some individual “God time”. The prompt we were given was to ask God, “What do You think about me?” I went wandering off around the lake, looking for a spot I had seen from afar on my first day here, but hadn’t actually explored. Once I got there, I started writing a little story, kinda based on what had just happened. In it, a girl is walking on a dusty, stony road. The sun is a little too hot, and there’s a terrible glare. She can feel the stones under her feet, and she’s not enjoying the walk too much. But she knows there’s a great spot ahead somewhere... although she’s not sure exactly where it is, and she’s also not sure if she’s allowed to be there. Suddenly she realises there’s a presence alongside her. She can’t see him, and she’s still hot and uncomfortable – but it’s enough to know he’s there. The path she’s on veers a little to the left, and after a bit there’s a spot of shade. It’s great, but it’s not The Place. It provides some great momentary respite though. She carries on, and the ground slopes more strongly to the left. It’s an awkward angle to walk at, and she wonders if she’s going the right way. Should it be this steep? What if something happens, and there’s no one there to help? But she knows she must go on. And then, almost before she knows it – like the first thunder-clap of the storm – she arrives in a beautiful, shady spot. There’s a huge tree in the middle, giving amazing shade; and around the edge there’s a semi-circle of trees, offering protection. This is a space for her to breath, for her to feel alive. This is His garden, and she realises it was made for her. Of course she is allowed to be here! It was made FOR her.
Whilst I was writing this story, I felt like God was reminding me that I AM a person of His presence. I know what it means to walk with Him. He was shutting off the voices that say that I have to work harder to find His presence; that I have to do something to prove myself to Him. That is nonsense! His presence is simple – it doesn’t have to be tangible or produce goose-bumps or make me feel anything special. Every time I feel peace – that’s His presence. Every time I feel joy – that’s His presence. These things don’t exist apart from Him! I felt such peace in that place, knowing that “I am my Beloved’s, and His desire is for me.” God was saying that He enjoys just hanging out with me – whatever I’m doing. He wants to sing with me when I sing, work with me when I work, read poetry with me...In fact, at that point, I felt like He wanted to read me a poem right then. So I opened my poetry book, and the first poem I read was exactly some of the stuff that God had just been saying to me! HA HA! I ended up laughing out loud, and then crying for joy, completely overwhelmed by the goodness and furious longing of my Abba! I didn’t really want to leave my little grassy hide-away, but had to head back for our next session – which started with an amazing time of worship. And it turned out that God just wanted to keep lavishing us with His love! Which fitted into what He had just been saying to me too :o)
We had a guest speaker today, Stephen Roach (from the band Songs of Water, for any of you who know of them!). He is such a fun, creative guy, and it’s because he understands the fun, creative side of God so well. And so much of what he said linked in perfectly again with what God was already speaking to me! He spoke mostly about the playfulness of God. When God created the universe, it was playful. It was an overflow of joy, an overflow of the delight of the family of the Trinity. He didn’t HAVE to create; He WANTED to! He delighted to. When David says, “I will become even more undignified than this”, the word translated as “undignified” actually means “to play”. It is childlike laughing and dancing and PLAYING with the Father. The same word is used in Proverbs 8:22-31, where it speaks about the creation of the universe. It could be translated as: “ I was filled with delight day after day, PLAYING in His presence, PLAYING in His whole world...” Zephaniah 3:17 can be translated as: “He will PLAY over you with singing...” This is what our relationship with the Father should be like! It is playful, simple, creative. Because His burden is light, remember? :o) some other highlights:
· 1 Peter 1:13 “Gird the loins of your mind...” Our loins are the place where the power to procreate resides. It is the source of our ability to (literally) create new life. So to gird the loins of our MINDS means to strengthen the house of our imagination, the place our creativity comes from.
· The bible is like a map that points to God. But having a map doesn’t mean you know the destination – you still actually have to make the trip there! We need to journey into God for ourselves.
· What does it mean to be a child? Children have two important qualities: they have great playfulness and imagination, and they live in full dependence on their parents. This is who we were made to be.
· When we hear the phrase “what I am CALLED to”, it can sometimes sound very intimidating; perhaps make us feel trapped. But it’s more like “what I am INVITED to”... God is inviting me to play with Him in my own adventure with Him.
· The practical is meant to serve the creative; not restrict it, and also not to be completely ignored. It supplies the structure within which creativity can happen. But we must never stop playing! When we stop playing, we start dying.
· Spontaneity should be the reward of preparation, not the result of disorganization. Disorganization is not creativity! Creativity is intentional.
· Like children, we learn through playing. A little girl pretending to be a princess is learning that she is special, unique, royal.
· A dream/vision is conceived in the heart and imagination. It is spoken forth by your lips... and then it is realised through hard work and dedication.
· God’s timing – so many things won’t happen when WE think they should! Stay overwhelmed by His beauty. Stay overwhelmed in worship of Him. Stay in constant relationship with Him – cultivate that love. Wait on Him.
· Make sure you have people speaking into you – not just people who know you for your gifts/talents etc.
· “We are redeemed from aimless conduct.” Make a mission statement for yourself. Journal, write down your history with God. Write down what God HAS already done, don’t just focus on what hasn’t happened yet. Prepare for the long-haul.
· We are maturing into childlikeness :o) and the boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places (Psalm 16). Be diligent, but don’t strive.
I felt such relief and joy as Stephen was speaking. It was like God was saying again: “It’s GOOD that your relationship with me is simple. It’s GOOD that you know my presence the way you do. Our relationship IS playful, and that’s GOOD!” I think I’ve felt pressure to ‘be responsible’, to ‘be and adult’, to ‘grow up’... but that is not what God wants for me! It felt great to shake off that weight, to be released into childlike simplicity again :o) JOY!
We met with our small groups over lunch, so we could process some of the stuff that’s been happening, and it was really great to hear where everyone’s at, and what God’s doing in everyone. After that we had our second music collective session; and there was so much that God was repeating to me! Ha ha! He really does have to hammer stuff into my thick skull sometimes! Joel was speaking about our creative origins – that we create, that we delight in music because He does. A tree glorifies God most by just being a tree; a bird glorifies God most by just being a bird. We seem to be the only ones who battle with this idea! We glorify God most when we are just ourselves, but we seem convinced that there must be something we must do first! There is no slavery or fear in Him. “Perhaps the thing we are most afraid of is to live without fear.” Eeek! Shame is a big quencher of creativity, because to be creative is to be vulnerable – and we have such fear of being exposed. He also read to us a synopsis of the story of “Babette’s Feast” (if you have never watched this movie, you MUST). There’s a feast laid out before these people, but they have decided amongst themselves not to say anything in praise of the meal. They are silent as they taste the magnificent courses laid before them. I suddenly realised that I have become a bit like that – it’s part of this “I-must-be-grown-up-and-serious” thing I’ve picked up from somewhere... I’m sitting at the Father’s feast, tasting His delights – but I have become silent. I have stopped calling out in wonder as I enjoy the feast. Or perhaps it’s like I’ve been eating from only one dish on the table – and I’ve grown sick of it. But there’s SO much more there, so much more. Playing with the Father, exclaiming in delight as I taste the new things He has for me.
We ended a fantastic day with a cook out. We sat on the field, some people playing ultimate frisbee, a few of us with instruments on picnic blankets... fireflies flitting around. There is so much peace and beauty here :o)
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