She's alive! And blogging again!

It is almost impossible to sum up the last few months. Since I last posted anything (MARCH?!), we finished the building of our AMAZING new extension here at A Place For the Heart. What we now call the "farm house" has tripled in size. This of course came in very handy over June and July... we had thirty students attending this year's 18 Inch Journey (see here for more details). The students came from over 5 countries (including my beloved friend Asanda from South Africa, woot), and 12 states within the US. It was such a delight getting to meet and fall in love with every single one of them... and see how intentionally the Father had planned an individual 18 Inch Journey for each of them. That journey (the 18 inches from head to heart) is the most important journey we could ever make - and the one we have to keep on making.

The opening dinner of the 18 Inch Journey 2012

Preparing for the school was SO much fun. We got to pray for and prepare a space in our hearts for each of the 30 students. We spent time writing prophetic words in their journals, making gifts for them, planning surprises. We felt like the Father was showing us who each of them were, before we'd even clapped eyes on them. So when the moment came for that first glorious evening, the welcome dinner, we got to put faces to the 30 who had already stolen our hearts :o)

Throughout the school I was reminded again and again just how lucky I am to be a part of this community and family; surrounded by such ridiculously amazing people, and lead by such fantastic leaders. Jonathan and Melissa truly lead like Jesus led. I feel so safe with them, because I know that they hear the Father's voice so clearly, and are such good friends of Holy Spirit. It was an honour to be on staff for the school with this community that I love so deeply - and who have all loved me so well. Being trusted with and given the opportunity to lead again was really good for my heart. I think one of the things I've struggled with the most over this internship was stepping out of ministry and leadership, and into a space where I was being poured into again. Although it was something my heart had been longing for for a long while, I found that when it came time for me to "lay down my sword" and step off the battlefield... well, I wasn't so sure how to do that! I felt like the sword was grafted to my hand through use. Who was I without it? Would I really be safe if I laid it down? It came down to a process of daily making the decision to lay it down. I found that sometimes I picked it up again without even noticing! So every day I had to choose to let go; choose to be teachable; choose to allow myself to be poured into without worrying what I could give back; choose to let myself be loved without trying to prove I was worthy of it.

The beautiful people that I get to live with! And with whom I had the privilege of staffing the 18 Inch Journey 2012

So when the time came to step back into leadership for the school... well, I felt a little unsure. Would I slip straight back into my default-switch approach of "shutting down to cope? Or my fail-safe "just getting on with it"? Or would I pick up my sword and find that it had grown rusty and impossible to wield through disuse? About a week before the school began, Melissa and I had a brief chat about it, and in her beautiful straight-to-the-point way, she began speaking over me: "It's ok to love ministry. It's ok to love what makes you feel alive. It's ok to love this family and this land..." So I stepped into the season of leadership for the school not really knowing what it would be like, but more confident that what the Father had done in my heart during a season of being off the battlefield would really show through...And guess what? It did.I remembered again that I really DO love ministry. I LOVE partnering with Holy Spirit (my old friend) in seeing people’s lives change. It is something that makes my heart come alive. It is not what I am defined by – I am defined by my Father’s view of me alone – but it IS something I love. And that sword? Well, I found that when I picked it up, it was not nearly as heavy as I remembered it to be. I had grown during the time I had lain it down – it is lighter now because He has made me stronger, and I no longer try to wield it alone. I am changed. He has changed me.

The dreamy beach house we stayed in for our staff holiday!

After the school, we took a wonderful farm family holiday at Atlantic Beach, and we’ve just had another week of holiday where most of the family has gone home to visit their families. I’ve stayed at the farm this week (South Africa being just a *little* far for a quick pop-in!), and have found the quiet and peace of this land deeply restful. And now we are about to transition back into our last few weeks of internship (which ends September 15), which are sure to be GLORIOUS and delightful :o) It just keeps getting better and better. I am so looking forward to having all the family around again, and digging back into our usual weekly rhythms.

And after the internship? Well... not completely sure, though there are options in the pipeline. Stay tuned :o)

P.S. Our grape vine (which I wrote about in my last post) is GOING FOR IT, growing like nobody's business. Who knew that all that pruning would lead to so much growth... Touché, God!